I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
