Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
