im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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