That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
