They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
