Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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