I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize