Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
