Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
