I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
