when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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