i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
