Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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