Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
