Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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