PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
