I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
