last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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