Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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