hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Boobs are out for the taking
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
