Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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