Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think my moral compass just broke
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
