help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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