mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
