i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
