You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
