Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
