please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
