he puts the penis in happiness.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
