you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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