Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
