never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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