Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
