I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
