yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
