There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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