I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
