she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
