i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm really busy with my period
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