She said her name was "party"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
