somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
