I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
3 2 1 whiskey
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
