i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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