"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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