He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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