I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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