im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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