I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
