I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
