I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
