The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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