It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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