I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
