Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
