you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
