I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
