Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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