yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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