it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
