if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
