I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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