nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
