What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
