who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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