I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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