I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
