you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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