dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
