Your mouth is God's brothel.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
