he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
