plz talk dirty to me
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
