could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
