it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
