his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize