Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
