I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
