yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
