My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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