Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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